Category: Uncategorized

Last week I started a heart-felt blog about all that Michael and I had experienced while here in Bend. The wonderful people we’ve met, the career decisions we have made, the struggles we have endured. But then I realized. I am trying too hard to rationalize our most recent decision. I know that it sounds crazy to people. That without knowing us personally and talking to us at least weekly over the past 6 months our decision seems like it came out of no where.

So I deleted that blog.

If there is one thing I have learned and re-learned in life, it is that you just can’t force things. You can prepare, work hard, and set goals, but the best outcomes are often not the ones you set out to find. The best outcomes are the ones that come together in a way that fit so perfectly no human could have ever planned it. And instead of justifying all the reasons and rationalizing our decision, I’d just like to share that Michael and I have been blessed with one of those outcomes.

We knew we were setting out on a journey. We planned, we prepared, we saved, and we took the leap. And things just weren’t fitting together. The past 6 months, while fun, have felt like swimming upstream. I started to wonder where all this went wrong. What did we not plan? Then, I wrote this:

We called it our adventure

We thought we had planned it and the parts that didn’t make sense to us were our errors

What we didn’t know was that we actually joined God’s adventure

Opening our hearts and tuning into hear Him

The eternal energy of the universe had been calling us for a long time

Begging us to reorient our minds and focus our vision on that which is happening deep below culture, careers, and plans

We just thought we were going on a trip and moving to a new state.

So with that, I will announce, we are moving to Asheville, North Carolina next month!

What about the beauty of the world?

The un-instagramable, never-tweeted, not-postable, won’t fit in the lens of a camera beauty

That which can only be viewed and felt in the now

Does that no longer matter?

Is only that which fits on a timeline important?

A small fragment

The highlights reel

Maybe it’s the flow of life

The experience of the energy of the universe coursing through your veins right now – Right in this moment – is more important, more powerful than any moment we try to capture, share, and keep.

When we returned from our European adventure, we were excited to call a place home again. Michael and I had been vacationing in Bend a couple of times a year since we were married (nearly six years ago!). So when we imagined a place to settle down, start a private practice, and eventually buy a house and have kids, it seemed like the perfect option. I love how it is nestled so close to the mountains. It’s truly living in the cascades. Growing up in Washington I couldn’t help but to long for sunshine. Bend receives an estimated 300 sunshiny days a year! On top of that, I was feeling pushed out of Washington by the ever-expanding I-5 corridor and watching everything get paved and the trees cleared. I-5 was so large that getting to the mountains and into the woods was beginning to be an enormous feat requiring two hours of driving or more. Gig Harbor was no longer the small, wild, fishing town I loved. I remember the old days crossing the one 4 lane bridge we had into Gig Harbor and the walls of pine trees that seemed to consume the road. It was a mile in before there was an exit for the town. It felt magical as I grew up.

Bend, while it has experienced enormous growth, still feels wild like that. As you cross into the desert, it gives a unique sense of place. We had heard all the reasons not to move here. We chatted with locals and spent time looking at housing options and work options. We felt prepared.

So when we got back from Europe we came down to Bend as soon as we could to look at houses to rent. We knew that the housing market was very competitive and that we needed to be in town to secure a place. I had set up two appointments to look at a couple different houses. However, on our drive down, both were canceled and rented to other people in less than 24 hours. We started to feel worried. As we rolled into town we drove around the street of one of the houses and checked out the neighborhood. Two blocks down from the house rented before we could get here, was an open house with a for rent sign in the yard. We walked in and were greeted by Paula. She was kind and it felt like a great match immediately. We filled out the paperwork and had our house!  It came together so quickly and easily.

We moved down about ten days later. Those first few weeks in Bend were so magical. It was sunny for a week then snowed 8 inches the next, it was all we had hoped for. This was also our 5th annual Bend Thanksgiving. It was so awesome to cook it at our own place here.

Our vegan Thanksgiving feast:

The first good snow:

Some early ski season:

As you can see, Abbey has really been enjoying the snow! My favorite part about the holidays here was walking in the snow to Christmas Eve service. Snow and skiing were wonderful Christmas gifts.

I forgot how scary it feels

To be out on the edge of change and unable to recognize anything around

Looking down at my toes and the vastness around them

I imagine a bottom at the edge of this cliff to have a point of reference

But some how identifying the bottom doesn’t provide solace

The exposure is real and the risk great

It’s the top, the possibilities of this moment, the shape of a future I’d long hoped I’d find that are the only reference points

My souls counterpart meets me here and I fear

I am not enough – I have dared too great – I may not rise to this occasion

My unfinished edges are clear

We are two explorers in unknown territory

We sought uncharted land and still feel surprised to be in it

There is no rest here. No respite from the change. Only blank pages looking back at us.

I was about to start this blog by saying “never in my life have I been so happy to return home” but that’s not true. Returning home from Liberia Africa in 2008 to my new boyfriend at the time, Michael, was very exciting. Still, I was so happy to come back to the states.

I learned so much that I had not sought to learn on this trip 🙂 I think a list is in order.

Things I learned traveling through Spain, France, Germany, Switzerland, and Ireland:

• The romantic, wild, and ever-changing Camino de Santiago via the Frances Route is dead. It probably died about 5 to 10 years before we arrived. It’s now as well-traveled and exploited by tourist traps as Disneyworld. In fact, I coined the term “Disneyworld for wounded adults” early on in the journey since so many people doing it had recently lost someone or gone through a divorce.
• It’s hard! Putting all of our belongings in storage and traveling was a dream of mine for so long that an immature part of me really believed it would be all sunshine and rainbows. I felt like I read the story a million times on different blogs, young people quitting their jobs putting life on hold to go out and experience the world. But it’s not for everyone. I love to travel and I love adventure, but there is something to be said for having a home. This was probably compounded by loosing our home unexpectedly to a fire the year before but it was still a good lesson.
• Traveling for more than a couple of weeks really exposes you to yourself. This was something I set out to experience but I was surprised how quickly I resorted to past bad habits in order to avoid change. I had also experienced this before in Africa but I was a single woman then. This time what was exposed wasn’t just my inner self but how I interact with Michael in times of fatigue, stress, hunger, or other discomfort. For Michael and I, we realized how hard we try to comfort one another and had to discover new levels of interdependence to get through the trip. It was hard at the time, but I am so grateful for this lesson.
• I re-learned that hard times are ripe for change and to always embrace it. It’s so easy to want to return to old patterns and habits to cope with stress but the outcome is much greater and more meaningful when we embrace the imprints of life on our being.
• Time away from everyday life is valuable. When I reflect on my journals, I feel like I traveled over life times. I feel like a very different person than the one who left Washington on August 26th, 2014.
• I learned that “time away” doesn’t have to be out of the country to be a valuable experience. In some respects our time here in Bend setting life up has been just as, if not more, rewarding than our travels abroad.
• Be present in the here and now. In the past, I felt like I was pretty good at this but somehow graduate school trained me otherwise. I loved school and I wanted to do everything right and take advantage of my time so I often over planned. I was confronted by this on the trip and realized, its time to let that go. Be. Here. Now.

In reflecting on this list I am reminded how often we re-learn things in life. As Joyce Meyer once said, “if we don’t pass the test the first time, its ok: God will offer a re-take.”

I look forward to writing some future blogs on life here in Bend. It has been an incredible 6 month journey.

About three months into our relationship, Michael and I contemplated eloping in Ireland on the Cliffs of Moher. I had imagined it for quite some time. A modest white dress and my long blond hair blowing in the wind, surrounded by the green of the fields and the blue of the water. Just him and I and a smart mouthed Irishman to carry out the duties of an officiant. But in the end we choose to have a wedding with family at the spot of our first real date (point defiance). These images lingered with me though. So when we had to make the choice between going back and finishing the camino, or going to Ireland, it was Ireland for me.

We arrived in Shannon, rented a car, and drove to Doolin, a small town close to the cliffs of Moher. As we arrived into Doolin, we didn’t really have clear directions on how to find the B&B we had booked. We pulled off the side of the road to look at a map. Well, really, we did the classic pattern in our relationship where Michael doesn’t trust my directions and his military officer side kicks in and he demands to see where on earth I am coming up with this information which I proudly provide absolutely certain that I am 150% correct and that he just doesn’t trust me… and then he kindly points out I had lead us to the wrong side of town. I am still learning left from right it turns out.

After we figure out we need to go in the opposite direction we looked up to see, directly in front of us, the edge of the Cliffs of Moher. Though distant, it was stunning. These wild jagged cliffs I had dreamed of were right there and my husband by my side.

We stayed in a beautiful B&B called the Doolin View and highly recommend it! Views from the B&B:

With Munich only an hour away via train from Garmisch, we had to go for it!

Below is a short clip of some spontaneous singing that broke out while the band took a break. The energy in the crowd was so positive and so fun!

Michael had always told me of a magical place where there were endless well marked hiking trails, gondolas you can ride to the tops of mountains, and good food everywhere in between. My days growing up in Washington made it difficult to conceive of anything like this. The mountains in America are places hard to get to, off the beaten path, and usually require packing a pb&j.

Then we arrived in Garmisch-Partenkirchen:

For four days we were blessed with awesome accomodations, clear blue skies, and a pass that let us access just about every thing we could imagine. We would ride to the top of one mountain, walk down the backside to another mountain, eat at a great resturaunt on another mountain, go to sleep and repeat. It was heaven!

Included in the pass was even a ropes course. One of the more touristy things Michael and I have come to love. The first one we did was in Redmond Washington. Which lead us to find another one in Asheville, NC, which then lead us to find one in Okinawa, Japan, and then this one in Garmisch. It was a blast!

Another favorite thing we found was a Rodelbahn! Here is the video:

Our Camino at this point was really starting to feel like the journey we had set out to find.

It was so exciting to be in a place that Michael and I had talked about going since we met! Michael studied abroad for a year in Heidelberg. I couldn’t wait to see it!

We arrived in Frankfurt and headed to Ramstein. We decided this would be a great place to collect ourselves and  had always wanted to check out the military base there. After seeing the base and getting some snacks and supplies Michael ran into an old Army buddy. It was such a nice break from talking to irritated Spanish people! haha! It was a reminder of how small the military world can feel. It also felt comforting to be in Germany on that base on our own terms. For a brief period of time requesting Germany in the Army was our Plan B. It felt like a small success to be there because we wanted to be, not because the Army ordered us.

The next day we took a train down to Heidelberg. I felt like I had died and gone to heaven! Good food, friendly people, and a beautiful apartment downtown all to ourselves. I think it was the first time since we left America that I felt clean and well nourished.

The pictures say it all! The first one is Michael eating Ethiopian food. It was AMAZING!!

The view of Heidelberg from the Castle

The view of Heidelberg from the Philosophers Way

On top of a tower at St. Michael’s monastery

Thingstätte- an old Nazi amphitheater off of the Philosophers Way hike

After taking in a beautiful sunrise we walked on into the Meseta and made our way the 25.2 km (or 16.3 mi) to Fromista. We continued on with our plan and our reservations.

About half way through that day, I began to notice that I kept feeling like I was getting bit by something. As we wandered into Fromista and checked into our hotel, I realized I was covered in flea bites. They itched like crazy!!! It felt like fleas were continuing to bite so Michael and I began to research what to do. We learned that Europe has a human flea! YUCK!!! And apparently they can live in clothing. We researched more and found out that all of our clothing needed to soak for about 2 hours to flush out any of the fleas that may have infested our packs or clothing. Unfortunately, that hotel room only had a shower. Needless to say, I didn’t sleep much that night.

The next day we headed out and walked the next 20.5 km (or 12.2mi) to Carrion de Los Condes. It was another hot desert day and the flea bites continued to drive me nuts! We arrived at the hotel early enough and I remained hopeful that we were going to be able to clean all our clothes and have no more flea problems. We soaked our clothes and hung them to dry all over the room and balcony. As we headed to dinner, we saw a dark thick layer of clouds roll in. I felt a sinking feeling as I realized that our clothes would not be drying this afternoon. The humidity surrounded us as we ate dinner and watched the rain fall. It was an incredible storm. And ignited something in Michael and I. Shit had to change. This was pure misery.

The next morning we awoke to thunder, lightening, and the deafening roar of rain pelting the street and hotel. We were done. LIke officially done. We slept in that day and wandered to the bus stop. We ended up buying the last two tickets to the next town, as many other pilgrims also decided not to walk that day.

Arriving in Sahagun soaked, tired, itchy, and drained we knew something had to change. As we walked arround town that afternoon, we found an Irish pub celebrating Octoberfest. We sat and drank a proper pint of real beer. It was incredible! None of this super light Spainish crap, we had Paulaner. And as we drank that beer we realized, we were in the wrong country. We were two introverts on an extroverts vacation. We were two therapists who got paid to make uncomfortable small talk paying money to do the uncomfortable small talk with no real relationship building or goal in mind. What the heck were we doing?!?!?

The next day, feeling fresh and having gained a sense of clarity, we boarded a train to Leon. The last major city on our journey. We sat next to another pilgrim who shared our sentiment that the Camino was like Disneyworld. Everything fake, planned, paved, and expensive. The three of us exchanged information we had learned along the way, including how the European union subsidises the Camino and even plants specific types of trees to “add” to the trails. It all became clear. This was never going to be the romantic wander in the wilderness we had hoped. It would never be an untamed adventure filled with discovery. It was Disneyworld with a lot of walking.

We settled into our hotel that night and bought airline tickets from Madrid to Frankfurt Germany. We canceled the rest of our reservations and began to dream of real food, real beer and the potential to see many places we had dreamed of seeing.

These are the last few pictures from Spain: